Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Nothing Is Funnier Than The Truth

Most have been around awhile, but still funny - Some maybe not so funny - but ironic at this point:
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1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
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2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
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3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
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4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
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5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
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6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
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7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
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8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
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9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
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10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
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EVER WONDER:
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Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
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Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
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Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
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Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
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Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
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Why is it that to stop Windows , you have to click on "Start"?
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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
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Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
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Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
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When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
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Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
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You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
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If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
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If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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Hope you enjoyed these :-}
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy
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7 comments:

Artist Unplugged said...

I like these......does it prove how shallow I am that the most perturbing one to me is the hotdog to bun ratio?

OregonArtGuy said...

Unplugged: Hi Teresa - interesting that you should chose the Bun/Hot Dog one, my wife was looking at them with me when I read your comment, and she voiced the same thing! "That really bugs me too" she said! So you two girls better stay in the "shallow end" of the pool :-}
Bill

Lynda Lehmann said...

Yes, I really DO wonder about all those things! Thanks for the chuckle.

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

There are some really funny ones here, but the hot dog ratio is the one I was going to say too. LOL Guess we Artist are a shallow bunch. Grin
I always remember that one scene in 'The Father of the Bride' with Steve Martin, when he went Bezerk over that odd number in the super market. That was the last straw for him. LOL

OregonArtGuy said...

Lynda: Hi - nice to see you :-} I wish I had answers, but I only have questions! :-} I wonder too! You changed your avatar - I like it :-}
Bill

OregonArtGuy said...

Hi Cris: you're killin' me - I forgot all about the Steve Martin scene until you mentioned it - now I'm crackin' up!! :-}
Bill

AngelaFaithH said...

Only you can make us laugh so much!!!