Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Red Skelton's Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for ouranniversary. "Somewhere I haven't
been in a long time!"she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands.If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electricbread maker.She said "There are too many gadgets and no placeto sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well becausethere was water in the carburetor.I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too latefor the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.My wife asked "What's on the TV?"I said "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these?I love it.........this is the good old dayswhen humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........just clean and simple fun :-}
Have a Great Day!


Laura said...

WOW Red Skelton...that takes one back!

OregonArtGuy said...

Hi Laura: Yep, he was my favorite funny guy for many years :-}

Artist Unplugged said...

I loved Red Skelton.....these are wise words.....ha!

OregonArtGuy said...

Unplugged - Yeah, he was great - all you had to do is LOOK at him and he made you laugh! Some people say that about me - hmmmm...I'm not sure that's a good thing ...

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

:))I loved Red Skelton too. Isnt it amazing how much we laughed our selves silly without foul language mixed in??

Beetle said...

I wish we could turn the clocks back and have good clean comedy again!

OregonArtGuy said...

Cris, Beetle: Thank you girls for your comments - I feel the same way - wasn't it nice...

Heather Dugan ("Footsteps") said...

I'd forgotten about him; those are great!

OregonArtGuy said...

Thanks Heather - he was a good one to be sure - thanks for stopping by :-}