Wednesday, March 4, 2009

"The Man's Rules" - The Male Perspective....

Here is a different take on the male/female relationship that I hope my feminine readers will enjoy - (If I live thru this it will be a miracle!). We present to you:

The Man Rules.....

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complai ning about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we hav e to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

** These rules are not necessarily the views of the management at OregonArtGuy - any similarity between any of these rules and my actual feelings are purely coincidental and will be denied to the death! :-}

Have a Great Day.




Artist Unplugged said...

Touche'! Fuuunnnnny and true I think. Brave, brave man. Are these true for all species?

OregonArtGuy said...

Unplugged: Hi Teresa - Brave? Not me - stupid, maybe :-}. To what other species would you be referring?

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

LOL..Yes Men are from mars and women from Venus. :)))

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

PS, I am still chuckling about that to wet grass con said wasnt.:))

OregonArtGuy said...

Hi Cris - good to see you - have Con read these - he might like them! :-}

Lynda Lehmann said...

And the battle between the sexes shall rage on...

I enjoyed your post! With tongue in cheek, of course...

OregonArtGuy said...

Lynda: Thanks for stopping by and your comment - We don't REALLY like the couch! :-}

Footsteps said...

Hmmm... This explains SO MUCH!

OregonArtGuy said...

Footsteps: uh, oh....

Laura said...

Very good...odd thing is some of those are my rules as well...

OregonArtGuy said...

OK Laura: you're scaring me now - which rules are your as well? (And don't say #1)

The Crow said...

Every woman should be given this prior to the engagement ring. Might save a lot on wedding expenses.

This was funny! Loved every bit of it.


OregonArtGuy said...

The Crow: Thanks Martha - I'm just glad I'm not in trouble :-} Thanks for stopping by and your comment,

Tiffiney said...

LOL..I love these..I have them on my blog to...I dedicated them to my hubs on his bday...LOL....just can't read them enough..they are soo true....

OregonArtGuy said...

Tiffiney: Thanks for stopping by and your comment - some of these are sooooo fitting that you can't help but laugh :-} Thanks again,

Kirk Mathew Gatzka said...

Hilarious! I shared them already b4 I posted a comment. Interesting blog and nice photos. Well done!


OregonArtGuy said...

Kirk: Thanks for stopping by and your comment - I...uh...hope you didn't....uh...share them with your wife...(gulp)