Married for 41 years...

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After being married for 41 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, 'Honey, 41 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 22-year-old gal. Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 62-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'

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My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 22-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

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Aren't older women great?

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They really know how to solve a mid-life crisis...

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Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Black Eyed Susan Vine Flower....

A brief Artistic interlude...

Here are a couple pics of a Black-Eyed Susan Vine Flower that I thought I'd share - a friend gave us this plant a few years back - first time I'd seen one. It was Beautiful! Hope you enjoy them :-}

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Back to a little humor tomorrow - if that's OK :-}

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Don't Mess With Old Ladies

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

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Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too! :-}

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Have ae Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

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The Lone Ranger And Tonto...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto go camping in the desert.

After they get their tent all set up, both men fall sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and
says, "Kemo Sabe, look toward sky. What you see?"
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The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asks Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.
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Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
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Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
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Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
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Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
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What's it tell you,Tonto?"
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Tonto shakes his head, then says,

"Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo chip. Someone steal our tent." :-}

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Have a Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy!

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Nothing Is Funnier Than The Truth

Most have been around awhile, but still funny - Some maybe not so funny - but ironic at this point:

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1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

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2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

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3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

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4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

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5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

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6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

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7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

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8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

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9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

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10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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EVER WONDER:

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Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

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Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

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Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

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Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

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Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

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Why is it that to stop Windows , you have to click on "Start"?

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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

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Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

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Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

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Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

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When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

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Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

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Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

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You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

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Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

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If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

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If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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Hope you enjoyed these :-}

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

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"Home Alone"...

Here is a cute little story I thought you might enjoy:

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It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3-year old daughter Katelyn. When Heidi started going into labor,she called "911." Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently,Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while Connor was born.The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yearold what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled inthere in the first place. Spank him again!" :-}

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Have a Graeat Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

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What in the world IS this?...

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Maybe this will help.....

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Or maybe this......?

Scroll down:

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ITS BANANAS!!!

I'm not exactly sure what the brown spots are all about (I suspect some sort of alien fungus), but I ate them and seem to be fine (I'm sure that's what they WANT me to think) :-}

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy!

"Balloon"...

This is an altered photo that I took a few years ago in the early morning in Auburn, WA. I was at a hotel, loading my car ,getting ready to leave, when I see a Majestic hot air balloon not far away. I watched it as it got closer, and closer - had to get my camera which was always close by in those days. It finally landed in a field right across the street from the hotel parking lot - it really made my day. Hope you enjoy it:

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(Click on image to enlarge)

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I'll See you Tomorrow!

Have a Great Day :-}

OregonArtGuy

What the logos will look like when the "crisis" is over...

I hope this furnished you with a smile rather than an unpleasant reality check. This post was meant to be a light hearted look at our present reality - please take it as such :-}
Have A Great Day!
OregonArtGuy

Rindercella and the Prandsome Hince...

This is a classic that you may have read or heard before, but it's always funny - so I thought I'd share it with you - enjoy:

Tunce upon a wime in a corin funtry there was a cuge hassle, home of a prandsome hince who was a bonely lachelor. He decided it was time he mot garried, so he invited people from riles amound, especially the peach ripple, to a bancy fess drawl.One of the invitations went to the hig bouse in a tittle lown where Rindercella lived with her micked wepstother and her two sisty step uglers. Rindercella was a bavishing rooty, which made the sisty step uglers and the micked wepstother, who had a face that could clop a stock, jerry vellous. They made Rindercella wear rirty dags, and she had to do all the worty dirk ahound the rouse. She had to flop the mores, dosh the wishes, solish the pilver, loo the daundry and feen the pliercase, which got her covered in sashes and oot. That's how she not her game. Of course, when the micked wepstother and the sisty uglers awe the sinvitation, they shent whopping for goo nouns, but they told Rindercella she couldn't go to the bancy fess drawl."You stay home and chew the doors," said the micked wepstother. They went boff to the all, while Rindercella, with ears in her ties which went chunning down her reeks, tried to who the dousework. Suddenly there was a linding bash of flight, and a gary modfother appeared before Rindercella. "Cry are you whying, Rindercella?" asked the gary modfother. "Oh, hoo boo! My micked wepstother and sisty step uglers went to the prandsome hince's bancy fess drawl and made me hay stome," Rindercella mailed wournfully. "Well, crop stying," said the gary modfother. "You shall bo to the gall!" She waved her wagic mond, and Rindercella's rirty dags were burned into a gootiful town, she had a tanfastic dairhoo and on her feet were do tainty sass glippers.The gary modfother led Rindercella into the garden. With another wove of her waind, she turned a pig bumpkin into a cootiful boach, and the mield fice into six hite worses and two candsome hoachmen. "There, Rindercella," sea shed," now you can bo to the gall. But you must be mome before hidnight when the well spares off. "Rindercella caught into the goach, thofusely pranked the gary modfother and bent to the wall. When the prandsome hince spotted Rindercella, it was sove at lirst fight. They nanced the dight away, and Rindercella had hever been nappier. All sue tune, the strock cluck nidmight. Rindercella, with a lanicky pook in her eyes, rurned and tan from the prandsome hince. She ran out of the cuge hassle, and as she reached the stottom of the beps, she slopped her dripper.The prandsome hince ran after her, but he was slew tow. He spotted the glainty sass dipper on the steps, and fowed to vined the droman of his weams. The dext nay, he went from house to house (and you can't turn that around!) asking women to sly on the tripper. But it fidn't dit any of them. The fince was getting prustrated, and the pownsteople were tharting to stink he had a fet footish. Date in the lay, he rinally feached the house where Rindercella lived. He slied the tripper on the micked wepstother, and of course it fidn't dit. It fidn't dit on the sisty step uglers either (they all had fig beet). Then he tried Rindercella, ressed in drags as usual. "Thoo is hat?" he asked. "Oh, that's just Rindercella," said a sisty ugler. "She doesn't have any drancy fesses, so she didn't abend the tall." "Come here, Rindercella," ped the since, "and sly on the tripper. "She did, and the pipper slit ferfectly! So the prandsome hince masked her to arry him. "Of woarse I kill," she replied. They mot garried and happed livelly after ever. They had coo tids, a bandsome hoy and a gritty pearl.
The storal of the morey is: If you want to marry your prandsome hince, “don’t forget to slop your dripper“.



I hope you have enjoyed this:-}

Have A Date Gray!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy
Since my blog seems to have shifted from art to mostly humor - should I do away with the art altogether and change the name to..... oh I don't know.... OregonFunGi ? :-}

Why Men Are Never Depressed.....

I wouldn't say that men are NEVER depressed, but her is some comic relief for BOTH sexes on the subject of why:......

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WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

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Men Are Just Happier People....

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-Your last name stays put.

-The garage is all yours.

-Wedding plans take care of themselves.

-Chocolate is just another snack.

-You can never be pregnant.

-Car mechanics tell you the truth.

-The world is your urinal.

-You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

-You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

-Same work, more pay.

-Wrinkles add character.

-People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

-One mood all the time.

-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

-You know stuff about tanks and engines..

-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase..

-You can open all your own jars.

-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness...

-Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
-Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

-You never have strap problems in public.

-You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

-Everything on your face stays its original colors.

-The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

-You only have to shave your face and neck.

-You can play with toys all your life.

-One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

-You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

-You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

-You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

-No wonder men are happier. :-}

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I hope these put a smile on your face :-}

Have A Great Day!

OregonArtGuy

More Flower Variations...

I couldn't help myself - I love the effects you can achieve in photoshop, so here are three more variations on Friday's Flower - I hope you enjoy them:

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Well, that's all for today, folks -

I think I'll bring a little humor tomorrow..... :-}

Have a Grate Dey!

OregonArtGuy

Flowers: White and Yellow,Lavender and Green, Pink and Green

Hi Friends! I thought I would share 3 variations of the same flower pic I took who knows when. I hope you enjoy at least one of them :-}

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Have a Date Gray!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Having A Bad Day?.....

Feeling unappreciated lately? Things got you down? Well then, consider these?

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In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the su per natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Kenneth Roberts, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

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Still Having a Bad Day???? The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

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Betty came home to find Jerry in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away fro m the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.Are Ya OK Now? - No?

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Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

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There now, Feeling Better, Are We ?

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy!

Naked Ladies!.....Yep, Naked Ladies!

C'mon, what were you expecting....? Hope you enjoy these:

(Click on image to enlarge)

Have a Great Day.

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Red Skelton's Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for ouranniversary. "Somewhere I haven't

been in a long time!"she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electricbread maker.She said "There are too many gadgets and no placeto sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well becausethere was water in the carburetor.I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too latefor the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.My wife asked "What's on the TV?"I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?I love it.........this is the good old dayswhen humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........just clean and simple fun :-}

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy!

Geraniums....

I couldn't remember if I had posted this before - so if I have , I apologize, and please let me know - if not, I present for your viewing pleasure: "Geraniums":

(Click on image to enlarge)

Enjoy your Monday!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Only a Mother Would Know....

For those of you who thought yesterday's post might have been a little heavy handed and reeked of Testosterone - this litle scenario should help bring things back into perspective :-} Enjoy:

ONLY A MOTHER WOULD KNOW.....

ONLY A MOTHER WOULD KNOW.....

Cup of Tea ~ One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up. Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?" :-}

There - does that make up for yesterday?
Have a Date Gray!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

"The Man's Rules" - The Male Perspective....

Here is a different take on the male/female relationship that I hope my feminine readers will enjoy - (If I live thru this it will be a miracle!). We present to you:

The Man Rules.....

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complai ning about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we hav e to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.


** These rules are not necessarily the views of the management at OregonArtGuy - any similarity between any of these rules and my actual feelings are purely coincidental and will be denied to the death! :-}

Have a Great Day.

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Ahhhhh.....Glass hoppa!........

(Click on image to enlarge)

I tried to get a close-up of this grasshopper, but I'm afraid this is the best I could do :-{

Have a Date Gray!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

"Top Ten Lesser Known Murphy's Laws"...

It's difficult to imagine all of the possibilities for additions to "Murphy's Law", but here are ten you may not have heard before :-} Enjoy:

#10 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

# 9 He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

# 8 Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

# 7 Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

# 6 The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

# 5 The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

# 4 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

# 3 The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

# 2 A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

- And the #1 Lesser Known Murphy's Law is.....

When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. :-}



Hoped you enjoyed these. Have a Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Strawberry...

I took this picure a few years back when we lived in a place where we had Strawberries - Boy was it GOOD!

(Click on image to enlarge)

That's all for today - FUNNIES tomorrow :-}

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy