Thursday, September 17, 2009

Lawyer Funnies - These Aren't New, But They're STILL Funny!

People Really Said These Things In Court .....

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Hope you enjoyed these :-}
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

6 comments:

Jackie said...

These are funny and some are actually quite numb and make us blonds look good.

Bill, did you leave EC? I don't see a widget. Oh dear I know they are a pain some times, but, I do so hope you change your mind.

Every single time I have left them I have lost at least half of my following and friends.

But, it is your blog and your decision. I see you are on ImageKind. I am thinking of going with them too.

I really have to get it in gear and choose a store front soon.

Congratulations and I wish you all the success in the world with your sales. You certainly do have wonderful images!!

Happy weekend!!
Jackie

OregonArtGuy said...

Thanks Jackie! I don't know who EC is? I'm not very smart, so, please tell me...
~Bill~

AVCr8teur said...

I have not seen most of these. They make for a good laugh.

OregonArtGuy said...

AVCr8teur - Thank you Karen - I like the last one the best! :-}
~Bill~

Max Coutinho said...

Hi Bill,

"Q: How many times have you committed suicide?" - LOL LOL LOL LOL this is silly! LOL

"Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?" - ROFL ROFL ROFL....Duh!!

"Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?" - Come on!! LOL LOL...

Bill, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this...hell, I cracked up!! Thanks :D!

Have a great week!

Cheers

OregonArtGuy said...

Hi Max - some pretty funny stuff alright - at least the doctor was no dummy:
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. :-}
~Bill~