A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Groucho Marx was a master at these - like this one: "I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in there, I'll never know." I hope you enjoy these! ;-)
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".?!
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive again.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I'll see if I can scare up some more...I LOVE these!!! ;-)
I'm an over-the-hill, fat, balding guy - formerly a long-haired hippie freak, surfer dude, low-rider, guitar and bass playing band member who grew up in Southern California in the 50's when it was still an uncrowded nice place. My friends and I used to carry our rifles and shotguns down the street in broad daylight as we headed for the hills to go rabbit hunting and nobody gave it a second thought - my how times have changed. (I wouldn't think of shooting a rabbit or anything else anymore - I like alive things much more).
Now I'm disabled from of a host of maladies that I won't bore you with.
I've enjoyed the beauty of nature since I was a youngster, so now I enjoy: photography, and funny stuff, digital art, and funny stuff, flowers, and funny stuff, art, and funny stuff, and ,oh yeah - funny stuff :-} That about sums it up for me.
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