THE SOUTHERN TEN COMMANDMENTS :-)

This is much easier to remember !!!

Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' language.... This is no joke (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN ).

Ten Commandments

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another feller's gal.
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff


Now that's plain an' simple.


Y'all have a nice day now ya heer!


And bless your little heart....
 
 
Now That's a LOT easier!!!! :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Fishing License :-)

A redneck was stopped by a SCDNR game warden at Lake Hartwell recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'

'Naw, sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish.'

'Pet fish?'

'Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home.'

'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'

'OK', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'

'Well, what?', says the redneck.

The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'

'Call who back?'

'The FISH', replied the warden!

'What fish?', replied the redneck. ..................... ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy!

A Responsible Redneck Couple.....

(Click on image to enlarge photo and print)

It's too bad everyone isn't this responsible.....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

You might be an EXTREME Redneck if.......

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....101-120....

REDNECK LIMO

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:.....

101.People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.

102.Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

103.You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

104.You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

105.You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

106.You've ever been too drunk to fish.

107.You've ever bought a used cap.

108.You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

109.You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

110.Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

111.You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

112.You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'

113.You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

114.Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
115.In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

116.Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

117.You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.

118.You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

119.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

120.Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....51-70....

REDNECK YACHT

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:....

51.There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

52.Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

53.Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

54.Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

55.Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."

56.The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

57.Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

58.You pick your teeth from a catalog.

59.You've ever financed a tattoo.

60.You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

61.Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

62.Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

63.You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

64.You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

65.The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

66.You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

67.The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

68.Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

69.You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

70.You go to the family reunion to pick up women. :-}

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonAryGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....31-50....

REDNECK HARLEY

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.......

31.You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

32.The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.

33.Your car has never had a full tank of gas.

34.Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

35.Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

36.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

37.You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

38.Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

39.Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

40.You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

42.Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

43.You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
44.You're an expert on worm beds.

45.The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

46.Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

47.Your family tree does not fork.

48.The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

49.You haul more than U-Haul.

50.Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

51.There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

Have a Great Week!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........21-30

.

REDNECK POWERBALL WINNER

.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.....
.
21.You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
.
22.There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
.
23.Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
.
24.There is a wasp nest in your living room.
.
25.The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
.
26.You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
.
27.There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
.
28.You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
.
29.You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
.
30.Fewer than half of your cars run.
.
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........11-20

(Click image to enlarge)

REDNECK HORSESHOES

.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:
.
11. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
.
12. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
.
13. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
.
14. Birds are attracted to your beard.
.
15. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
.
16. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
.
17. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
.
18. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
.
19. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
.
20. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
.
That's all for today! More tomorrow :-}
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........1-10

.

(Click on image to enlarge)

REDNECK SEAFOOD DINNER

.

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:
.
1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
.
2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.
.
3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
.
4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
.
5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
.
6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
.
7. You own a homemade fur coat.
.
8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
.
9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
.
10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath" :-}
.


So many of these hit so close to home :-}
Hope you enjoy them - there's more.....
Have a Great Day
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy