New Merger Pending.... :-)

This just in : YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are going to merge. The NEW company will be called...are you ready for this?









"You-Twit-Face"

Perfect!!! ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

North Dakota Weather :-)

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border.

She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature has dropped below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.
Her husband does nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.


She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in. ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Para WHAT???? Part one of several... :-)

- Paraprosdokian -

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Groucho Marx was a master at these - like this one: "I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in there, I'll never know." I hope you enjoy these! ;-)

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.



Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.


If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.


Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".?!


I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive again.


The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!


Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.


I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.


Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.


There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.


You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I'll see if I can scare up some more...I LOVE these!!! ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Just When You Thought All The Good Ideas Were Taken....(Part 2 of 2)

 

I think that last one really holds some promise... ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Just When You Thought All The Good Ideas Were Taken....(Part 1 of 2)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

New Seat Belt Law :-)

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This becomes effective April 1, 2010 .

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive Testing on a newly Designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%when the belt is properly installed.

Correct Installation is illustrated below.......

Please pass on to family and friends.

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THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

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This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%

Also applies to teenagers . . .

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I KNOW....YOU SMILED.

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YEAH, YOU SMILED AGAIN

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Remember, I'm ONLY the MESSENGER........ ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Former Log Truck Driver Finds NEW Profession :-)

The log truck driver from my last post was encouraged by the owner of the logging company to perhaps look for a different line of work. He took his former boss a little too literally and thought he meant he should still do something involving Power Lines....Since he enjoyed cutting things down so much, he thought of the perfect alternative! A win-win job - He gets to be dangerously close to power lines AND cut stuff down!

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(Click on image to enlarge)

You just can't keep a good man down!..... :-)

Have A Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Hello....Customer Service?........

Computer Repair:

Caller : Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller : Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse you fool!

Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really?... I will send a picture.

Scroll down.....

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Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Eighth Grade Final Exam - 1895

What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895...

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?
This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina , Kansas – 1895

Grammar
(Time, one hour)

1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,''play,' and 'run.'
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6. What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic
(Time, 1 hour 15 minutes)

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 feet deep, 10 feet long, and 3 feet wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at 50 cents/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. of coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards which measure 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History
(Time, 45 minutes)

1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus .
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States .
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas .
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865

Orthography
(Time, one hour)
[Do we even know what this is?]

1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals.
4. Give four substitutes for caret ‘u’. (HUH?)
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final ‘e’. Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis-mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication..

Geography
(Time, one hour)

1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America .
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall, and Orinoco
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the United States . Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
7. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
8. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
9. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Notice that this exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.

Gives the saying “He only had an 8th grade education” a whole new meaning, doesn’t it? This also is a perfect demonstration pointing out how poor our education system has become.

And, NO - I don’t have the answers… I don’t even understand most of the questions! This may explain why I spent 4 years in the 6th Grade..... :-)


Have A Great Day
Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

The Proper Wine

My question is: What is the proper wine with Forest Ranger?? :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

English Language......

-The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
-As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
-There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
-In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
-By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ets oza.
-Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
-If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl..... :-}

Hav A Grat Da !
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

There - I Fixed It!......Part Four

This Post is dedicated to the 'King' of fix it - Red Green.....enjoy:

(Click on images to enlarge)

(pictures courtesy "There I Fixed It")

Don't try these at home - these people are professionals.....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

There - I Fixed It!......Part Three

This Post is dedicated to the 'King' of fix it - Red Green.....enjoy:

(Click on images to enlarge)

(pictures courtesy "There I Fixed It")

Don't try these at home - these people are professionals.....

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Two Questions......

Life really boils down to 2 questions.....

1. Should I get a dog....?

OR...

2. Should I have children?

No matter what situations life throws at you... No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem. Remember ~~ there is a light at the end of the tunnel....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Lawyer Funnies - These Aren't New, But They're STILL Funny!

People Really Said These Things In Court .....

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Hope you enjoyed these :-}
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Creative Puns..... :-}

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

There - I Fixed It!......Part Two

This Post is dedicated to the 'King' of fix it - Red Green.....enjoy:

Photos courtesy: "There I Fixed It"

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy