THE SOUTHERN TEN COMMANDMENTS :-)

This is much easier to remember !!!

Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' language.... This is no joke (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN ).

Ten Commandments

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another feller's gal.
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff


Now that's plain an' simple.


Y'all have a nice day now ya heer!


And bless your little heart....
 
 
Now That's a LOT easier!!!! :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Fishing License :-)

A redneck was stopped by a SCDNR game warden at Lake Hartwell recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'

'Naw, sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish.'

'Pet fish?'

'Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home.'

'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'

'OK', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'

'Well, what?', says the redneck.

The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'

'Call who back?'

'The FISH', replied the warden!

'What fish?', replied the redneck. ..................... ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy!

A Responsible Redneck Couple.....

(Click on image to enlarge photo and print)

It's too bad everyone isn't this responsible.....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

You might be an EXTREME Redneck if.......

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....101-120....

REDNECK LIMO

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:.....

101.People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.

102.Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

103.You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

104.You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

105.You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

106.You've ever been too drunk to fish.

107.You've ever bought a used cap.

108.You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

109.You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

110.Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

111.You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

112.You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'

113.You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

114.Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
115.In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

116.Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

117.You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.

118.You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

119.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

120.Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....51-70....

REDNECK YACHT

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:....

51.There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

52.Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

53.Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

54.Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

55.Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."

56.The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

57.Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

58.You pick your teeth from a catalog.

59.You've ever financed a tattoo.

60.You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

61.Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

62.Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

63.You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

64.You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

65.The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

66.You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

67.The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

68.Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

69.You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

70.You go to the family reunion to pick up women. :-}

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonAryGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....31-50....

REDNECK HARLEY

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.......

31.You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

32.The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.

33.Your car has never had a full tank of gas.

34.Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

35.Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

36.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

37.You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

38.Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

39.Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

40.You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

42.Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

43.You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
44.You're an expert on worm beds.

45.The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

46.Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

47.Your family tree does not fork.

48.The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

49.You haul more than U-Haul.

50.Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

51.There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

Have a Great Week!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........21-30

.

REDNECK POWERBALL WINNER

.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.....
.
21.You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
.
22.There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
.
23.Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
.
24.There is a wasp nest in your living room.
.
25.The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
.
26.You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
.
27.There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
.
28.You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
.
29.You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
.
30.Fewer than half of your cars run.
.
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........11-20

(Click image to enlarge)

REDNECK HORSESHOES

.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:
.
11. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
.
12. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
.
13. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
.
14. Birds are attracted to your beard.
.
15. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
.
16. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
.
17. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
.
18. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
.
19. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
.
20. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
.
That's all for today! More tomorrow :-}
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........1-10

.

(Click on image to enlarge)

REDNECK SEAFOOD DINNER

.

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:
.
1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
.
2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.
.
3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
.
4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
.
5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
.
6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
.
7. You own a homemade fur coat.
.
8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
.
9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
.
10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath" :-}
.


So many of these hit so close to home :-}
Hope you enjoy them - there's more.....
Have a Great Day
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

As promised - For People of The Pacific NW

Myrtlewood Tree - Found only in the Coquille Valley of Oregon, and Palestine

As I promised, here's a little more humor for us folks in the North West. I know , I still haven't gotten my updates for van Gogh and Renoir done, I got a little sidetracked. I promise I'll have some actual artwork posted tomorrow - Really! :-}



The Pacific Northwest According to Jeff Foxworthy, and additional comments by OregonArtGuy
You live in the Northwest if:
1. You know the state flower (Mildew).
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. Use the statement ’sun break’, and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee. ( only in Seattle, in my neck of the woods coffee is coffee, and if you don't have to chew it, you didn't make it right - OregonArtGuy)
5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant or to church.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the ‘WALK’ signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it’s not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, and Veneto ’s.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Heceta, Yaquina, Yachats, Issaquah, Oregon, Spokane, Yakima, and Willamette .(He left out a bunch, Snoqualmie, Snohomish, Coquille come to mind - OregonArtGuy)
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by ‘Today’s forecast: Showers followed by rain,’ and ‘Tomorrow’s forecast: Rain followed by showers.’
17. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind. (He must not know about Remote, OR, or I’m sure he’d have used it too.- OregonArtGuy)
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see them through the cloud cover.
20. You use the phrase ‘The mountain is out’ when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
26. You measure distance in hours.
27. You often switch from ‘heat’ to ‘a/c’ in the same day.
28. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining, Road Construction, and Deer & Elk season.
29. You understood these jokes and will tell your friends.
30. You know the State Bird (Banana Slug) - OregonArtGuy

'Til then , you can rest assured that "I'm still workin' on it"
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Did I say: Red Neck?? I meant RED GREEN!

Do it yourself applesauce

RED GREEN

What ever happened to the Red Green Show? That had to be the best educational show ever made. Who knew how many things you could make using duct tape. And the advice was priceless: " If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy". And the humility of the Possum Lodge men's club as they recited the "Man's Prayer" - "I'm a man,... but I can change,... if I have to,.. I guess". If you'd like a to see what I mean, scroll down to the video at the bottom of the page and watch Red make "A Handy Computer Desk" It's a real treat! We miss you Red - "Keep your stick on the ice".

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Red Necked Phalarope

We're not sure whether this colorful RED NECKED PHALAROPE , swimming in a lake in Alaska, is related to Jeff Foxworthy or not. All we know for sure is that it has a Red Neck. So start your very own red neck art gallery today! :-}

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Oh, yeah, and I finished page 2 of the Bouguereau pictures (during Saturday and Sunday - I knew I couldn't take the whole weekend off!)

In Keeping with Yesterday's Theme...

If you can't read the captions, Click on the pictures for larger images

I hope to get back to actually posting some artwork soon, but I'm havin' too much fun! If you can't read the captions, click on the pictures and they will enlarge. In the mean time I need to get back to work on getting my Bouguereau images cataloged and online. We have a lot of other artwork on our site, so check it out. 'till the next post with more artwork , don't stop coming by, cuz "I'm still workin on it"

Seeya,

Bill

You Might Be A Redneck...

Hi Guys:
These aren't new, but worth a look. Hope you enjoy :-}

Seeya, Bill

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...

Your standard of living improves when you go camping.

Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.

You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.

You have a relative living in your garage.

Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.

There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.

You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.

None of the tires on your van are the same size.

You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.

Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.

Your town put the new garbage truck in the New Year's parade.

Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.

Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.

You've slow danced in the Waffle House.

Starting your car involves popping the hood.

Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.

You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.

You've been in a fist fight at a yard sale.

You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach thekids in the backseat.

You think people who have cell phones and e-mail are uppity.

-and my alltime favorite:

If your house has wheels and yer car don't... well you know...:-}