HONESTY

MY FAVORITE ANIMAL Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. 

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. 

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. 

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

MY Kind of Guy!! ;-)

Have a Great Day!

OregonArtGuy

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A SOUTHERN GIRL ;-)

The first man married a woman from OHIO . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from MICHIGAN .. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from THE SOUTH. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich, load the dishwasher and fold the just-washed clothes.

Yep - now you know... ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Why I Like Greasy Hamburgers and Chili Cheese Fries...

This woman is 51

She is TV health guru Gillian McKeith, born Sept. 1959, advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and health, promoting exercise, a vegetarian diet high in organic fruits and vegetables. She recommends detox diets, colonic irrigation and supplements.

This woman is 51

She is Nigella Lawson, born Jan. 1960, a celebrity chef, who eats meat, butter and desserts.

I REST MY CASE

;-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Interesting Road Signs - Part 2 ;-)

I'll have another post soon....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Some Interesting Road Signs - Part 1... ;-)

Hope you enjoyed these - more soon

Have A Great Day!!
OregonArtGuy

Sorry That It's Been So Long...

Been awhile since my last post - I apologize - Health issues and moving again have kept us way to busy. I hope to get back in the swing of things soon and catch up with old friends - I miss you guys.....
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Puns For The Slightly Educated...

Warning! Some of these are real groaners... :-)



King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said,
"I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars
for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."


2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were
avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were
destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know For whom the Tells
bowled.


3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor!
I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle
down. You'll just have to be a little patient."


4. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression -- He who has a Tate's is lost!


5. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."


6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."


7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."


8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This
just goes to prove that... The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal
to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one.) ;-)


9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
remedies with the assistance of a tribal Brujo who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."


10. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out
and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with:
Transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

Hope you enjoyed these... :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

THE SOUTHERN TEN COMMANDMENTS :-)

This is much easier to remember !!!

Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' language.... This is no joke (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN ).

Ten Commandments

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another feller's gal.
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff


Now that's plain an' simple.


Y'all have a nice day now ya heer!


And bless your little heart....
 
 
Now That's a LOT easier!!!! :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

New Merger Pending.... :-)

This just in : YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are going to merge. The NEW company will be called...are you ready for this?









"You-Twit-Face"

Perfect!!! ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

North Dakota Weather :-)

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border.

She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature has dropped below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.
Her husband does nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.


She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in. ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

IRONY...It's All Around Us...Enjoy :-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Para WHAT???? Part one of several... :-)

- Paraprosdokian -

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Groucho Marx was a master at these - like this one: "I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in there, I'll never know." I hope you enjoy these! ;-)

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.



Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.


If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.


Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".?!


I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive again.


The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!


Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.


I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.


Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.


There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.


You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I'll see if I can scare up some more...I LOVE these!!! ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Just When You Thought All The Good Ideas Were Taken....(Part 2 of 2)

 

I think that last one really holds some promise... ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Just When You Thought All The Good Ideas Were Taken....(Part 1 of 2)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy