Oregon Art Guy Blog

Why I Like Greasy Hamburgers and Chili Cheese Fries...

2011-12-09T00:17:00.001-08:00

This woman is 51

She is TV health guru Gillian McKeith, born Sept. 1959, advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and health, promoting exercise, a vegetarian diet high in organic fruits and vegetables. She recommends detox diets, colonic irrigation and supplements.

This woman is 51

She is Nigella Lawson, born Jan. 1960, a celebrity chef, who eats meat, butter and desserts.

I REST MY CASE

;-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Interesting Road Signs - Part 2 ;-)

2011-10-25T02:02:00.000-07:00

I'll have another post soon....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Some Interesting Road Signs - Part 1... ;-)

2011-10-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

Hope you enjoyed these - more soon

Have A Great Day!!
OregonArtGuy

Sorry That It's Been So Long...

2011-09-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since my last post - I apologize - Health issues and moving again have kept us way to busy. I hope to get back in the swing of things soon and catch up with old friends - I miss you guys.....
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Puns For The Slightly Educated...

2011-05-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

Warning! Some of these are real groaners... :-)

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said,
"I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars
for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were
avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were
destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know For whom the Tells
bowled.

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor!
I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle
down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

4. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression -- He who has a Tate's is lost!

5. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This
just goes to prove that... The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal
to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one.) ;-)

9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
remedies with the assistance of a tribal Brujo who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

10. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out
and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with:
Transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

Hope you enjoyed these... :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

THE SOUTHERN TEN COMMANDMENTS :-)

2011-02-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

This is much easier to remember !!!

Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' language.... This is no joke (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN ).

Ten Commandments

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another feller's gal.
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's plain an' simple.

Y'all have a nice day now ya heer!

And bless your little heart....

Now That's a LOT easier!!!! :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

New Merger Pending.... :-)

2011-02-01T12:49:00.000-08:00

This just in : YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are going to merge. The NEW company will be called...are you ready for this?

"You-Twit-Face"

Perfect!!! ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

North Dakota Weather :-)

2011-01-10T09:22:00.000-08:00

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border.

She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature has dropped below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.
Her husband does nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in. ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

IRONY...It's All Around Us...Enjoy :-)

2010-11-28T07:56:00.000-08:00

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Para WHAT???? Part one of several... :-)

2010-11-10T08:04:00.000-08:00

- Paraprosdokian -

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Groucho Marx was a master at these - like this one: "I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in there, I'll never know." I hope you enjoy these! ;-)

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".?!

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive again.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I'll see if I can scare up some more...I LOVE these!!! ;-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Just When You Thought All The Good Ideas Were Taken....(Part 2 of 2)

2010-10-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

I think that last one really holds some promise... ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Just When You Thought All The Good Ideas Were Taken....(Part 1 of 2)

2010-10-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Creative Pencil Sharpening! :-) (part 3 of 3)

2010-10-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

These Are just AMAZING!!! Enjoy....

Have a Great Day
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Creative Pencil Sharpening! :-) (part 2 of 3)

2010-09-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

Now THIS is AMAZING! - Enjoy.....

Happy Sharpenening :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Way Too Much Time On Their Hands - Incredible! (part 1 of 3)

2010-09-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

These are unbelieveable artwork! I can't even get a good point with an electric sharpener......Hope you enjoy them!

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

A Riding Lawnmower......

2010-08-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

My Wife always wanted a riding lawn mower.

She works all day and was always tired when she came home from work and thought that a riding lawn mower would help her get the yard work done quicker so she would have more time for the chores inside the house.

SO, being the handy sort of guy that I am, I made her a riding lawn mower.

I guess I thought she would squeal with delight or something and give me a big hug.

To this day I have never been able to understand
why some women are so hard to please ......

↓

↓

↓

↓

↓

↓

↓

↓

↓

↓

↓

Ya just can't please some people....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Star QuarterBack :-)

2010-08-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

NOTE - Please don't be shocked or take offense at this post - that is not my purpose. You'll see what I mean at the end. I apologize if it causes anyone any grief - Bill

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Oakland !!

I hope you enjoyed this.....
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

World’s Best Blond Joke?

2010-07-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blond girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?’”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.” :-)

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Married for 39 years......

2010-06-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

OregonArtGuy (Bill) and his wife (Pat) have been married for 39 years as of today - June 4th! :-)

Fishing License :-)

2010-05-26T12:11:00.000-07:00

A redneck was stopped by a SCDNR game warden at Lake Hartwell recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'

'Naw, sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish.'

'Pet fish?'

'Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home.'

'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'

'OK', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'

'Well, what?', says the redneck.

The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'

'Call who back?'

'The FISH', replied the warden!

'What fish?', replied the redneck. ..................... ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy!

Ya Might Just Be A Redneck........ ;-)

2010-05-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

Top Ten indicators that "Ya Might Just be a Redneck" :

#10. A little rain doesn't spoil the fishing...

#9. You carry your front porch with you...

#8. You wear a shirt like this for your engagement picture...

(and your fiancé looks like she is 12)

#7. Your wedding picture looked like this.

#6. And your wedding cake looked like this...

#5. Your doghouse looks like this...

#4. Your pickup looks like this...

#3. You have a deer's butt for a door bell...

#2. You don't need a lake to do a little skiing...

And the #1 indicator that you might just be a redneck is........

if you were quoted in the local paper saying...

Hope you enjoyed these :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Tulips!

2010-05-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

Some tulip photos from around my yard - hope you enjoy them....
(Click on the image to enlarge it)

Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

I Want To Apologize.........

2010-05-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys:
I just wanted to apologize that I haven't been posting as often as I'd like to.....
Basically, it boils down to this........

I'll get another post up soon... sorry..

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

PROOFREADING: A DYING ART

2010-04-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

Wanted Editors with a new skill..........ability to read what writers write......even if it is wrong.......
　
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
.
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
.
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
.
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
.
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
.
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!-
.
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
.
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
.
Man Struck By Lightning: FacesBattery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
.
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
.
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
.
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
.
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Hope you got a chuckle from these :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

New Seat Belt Law :-)

2010-04-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

This becomes effective April 1, 2010 .

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive Testing on a newly Designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%when the belt is properly installed.

Correct Installation is illustrated below.......

Please pass on to family and friends.

THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

Scroll Down

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%

Also applies to teenagers . . .

I KNOW....YOU SMILED.

YEAH, YOU SMILED AGAIN

Remember, I'm ONLY the MESSENGER........ ;-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Signs Of Spring - CROCUS Photos

2010-03-29T09:07:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pics from our front yard (click on the image to enlarge it). Hope you enjoy them!

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Former Log Truck Driver Finds NEW Profession :-)

2010-03-21T15:15:00.000-07:00

The log truck driver from my last post was encouraged by the owner of the logging company to perhaps look for a different line of work. He took his former boss a little too literally and thought he meant he should still do something involving Power Lines....Since he enjoyed cutting things down so much, he thought of the perfect alternative! A win-win job - He gets to be dangerously close to power lines AND cut stuff down!

(Please scroll down)

(Click on image to enlarge)

You just can't keep a good man down!..... :-)

Have A Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

How To Hot-Wire A Logging Truck......

2010-03-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

This happened Wednesday, July 23rd 2008, in Mill Creek , WA .
The driver was attempting to throw the logging cable over the logs to secure them.
As you can see, he hooked the electric line instead! He said the tires began to fry within seconds.
Very lucky man, he could easily have been fried himself!

(You might say the truck was "hot wired".....
7200 volts direct to ground!)

(Click on image for larger pic)

Thanks to Sam Latham at Broad River Energy Center for sharing this information.

“Maybe I should have kept my job at McDonald’s....”

Ya Think?..... :-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

A Freezing Fog Pic - With Variations

2010-03-05T07:39:00.001-08:00

We had some freezing fog in Redmond this winter and I took a few pics. Here is one of some branches - and some variations of my own :-) Hope you enjoy them - remember to just click on the image to enlarge it:

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Hello....Customer Service?........

2010-02-27T11:07:00.000-08:00

Computer Repair:

Caller : Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller : Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse you fool!

Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really?... I will send a picture.

Scroll down.....

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Eighth Grade Final Exam - 1895

2010-02-22T04:35:00.000-08:00

What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895...

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?
This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina , Kansas – 1895

Grammar
(Time, one hour)

1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,''play,' and 'run.'
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6. What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic
(Time, 1 hour 15 minutes)

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 feet deep, 10 feet long, and 3 feet wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at 50 cents/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. of coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards which measure 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History
(Time, 45 minutes)

1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus .
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States .
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas .
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865

Orthography
(Time, one hour)
[Do we even know what this is?]

1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals.
4. Give four substitutes for caret ‘u’. (HUH?)
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final ‘e’. Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis-mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication..

Geography
(Time, one hour)

1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America .
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall, and Orinoco
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the United States . Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
7. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
8. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
9. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Notice that this exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.

Gives the saying “He only had an 8th grade education” a whole new meaning, doesn’t it? This also is a perfect demonstration pointing out how poor our education system has become.

And, NO - I don’t have the answers… I don’t even understand most of the questions! This may explain why I spent 4 years in the 6th Grade..... :-)

Have A Great Day
Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Roses

2010-02-15T08:08:00.000-08:00

Here are a few Roses that I photographed and edited. The top one is the original..... Don't forget to click on the image for a LARGER pic...Hope you enjoy them :-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Seniors on a Road Trip

2010-02-09T06:49:00.000-08:00

Seniors On A Road Trip - AKA - My Wife and I on a Road Trip! :-)

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the Restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her: “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!” :-)

Yep - that's me and the wife - getting older is fun isn't it? :-)

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtguy

Honey, did we pay the insurance?

2010-01-31T11:51:00.000-08:00

1. I could have sworn I hit the brake pedal!
Car upside down in the bay. See the guy standing on it??
Call out the wrecker!

2. Coming back up...coming...coming....

3. Coming.....almost there!

4. Ooops!

5. I could have sworn I set the brakes on that truck!
Time to get a Bigger Wrecker!

6?. OK, Bigger Wrecker is here.

7. Ok, we got the car...let's get the other wrecker now!

8. Oo! ohhh No!

Who's gonna explain THIS one to the insurance guys?

.
SEE... your day wasn't so bad after all... :-}

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

The Proper Wine

2010-01-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

My question is: What is the proper wine with Forest Ranger?? :-)
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

A Responsible Redneck Couple.....

2010-01-17T18:22:00.000-08:00

(Click on image to enlarge photo and print)

It's too bad everyone isn't this responsible.....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

1948 Lincoln Continental - A Classic!

2010-01-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

I Took this at a car show in Prineville, Oregon in the summer of 2009. The first photo is the original - the rest are my edits - hope you enjoy them! Just click on the pic for a larger image:

I like the Teal one the best - let me know what you think....

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does!!!

2010-01-01T19:21:00.000-08:00

Savasana
Position of total relaxation

Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midirift area and the spinal comumn.

Halasana
Excellent for back pain and imsomnia.

Dolphin

Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Salambhasana

Great excersice to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Ananda Balasana

This position is great for masagi ng the hip area.

Malasana

This position, for ankles and back muscles.

So, lets start drinking .............

PS - I hope no one takes offense at these images that I consider humorous......I don't mean to insult the people on the right hand side, or minimize their problem - I used to be one of them...

Have A Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

English Language......

2009-12-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

-The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
-As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
-There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
-In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
-By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ets oza.
-Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
-If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl..... :-}

Hav A Grat Da !
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

So, How's Your Day Goin'?

2009-12-11T09:35:00.001-08:00

Hope it's going better than this.......:-}

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Some Classic Cars.....

2009-11-30T06:35:00.001-08:00

Hope you enjoy them:

(Click on image to enlarge)

'58 Chevy DelRay

(Click on image to enlarge)

'41 Studebaker

(Click on image to enlarge)

'57 Chevy

(Click on image to enlarge)

'41 Chevy

These are my first attempts at this type of editing - please feel free to critique my work.....(go easy on me )......:-}

Have A Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

The Power Of The Badge....

2009-11-22T08:46:00.000-08:00

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! "

Hope it worked.....:-}

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

A Senior Moment.......

2009-11-13T10:04:00.000-08:00

Dallas Morning News..... A senior moment ... at 48, David McClure teaches science and coaches at Faubion Middle School in McKinney. He is also a Teacher Voices volunteer columnist.$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet a mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time." All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky. The good news was I had successfully found my way home...........
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

WHEN GRANDMA GOES TO COURT

2009-10-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

I thought this was pretty good - hope you like it! :

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi Grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
Again she replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.” :-}

Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Odd and Ends 2....Misc Flower Pics

2009-10-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

Blue and Black Tomato Blossoms

(Click on image to enlarge)

Stargazer Lily - altered

(Click on image to enlarge)

Stargazer Lily

(Click on image to enlarge)

Blue Sunflower

(Click on image to enlarge)

Bee on a Dandelion - Macro

(Click on image to enlarge)

Abstract Flowers

(Click on image to enlarge)

Be sure to check out the larger images - they're ever so much better! Hope you like them....
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

There - I Fixed It!......Part Four

2009-10-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

This Post is dedicated to the 'King' of fix it - Red Green.....enjoy:

(Click on images to enlarge)

(pictures courtesy "There I Fixed It")

Don't try these at home - these people are professionals.....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

There - I Fixed It!......Part Three

2009-10-05T08:03:00.001-07:00

This Post is dedicated to the 'King' of fix it - Red Green.....enjoy:

(Click on images to enlarge)

(pictures courtesy "There I Fixed It")

Don't try these at home - these people are professionals.....

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Two Questions......

2009-09-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

Life really boils down to 2 questions.....

1. Should I get a dog....?

OR...

2. Should I have children?

No matter what situations life throws at you... No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem. Remember ~~ there is a light at the end of the tunnel....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Lawyer Funnies - These Aren't New, But They're STILL Funny!

2009-09-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

People Really Said These Things In Court .....

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Hope you enjoyed these :-}
Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Creative Puns..... :-}

2009-09-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Budding Sunflower and a Grasshopper.....

2009-09-04T04:31:00.000-07:00

(Click on image to enlarge)

Hope you enjoy them....

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Praying Mantis Photos....

2009-08-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

This guy showed up in my backyard and was gracious enough to pse for some pics - hope you enjoy them! ......

(Click on image to enlarge)

Click on image to enlarge)

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

There - I Fixed It!......Part Two

2009-08-20T07:16:00.001-07:00

This Post is dedicated to the 'King' of fix it - Red Green.....enjoy:

Photos courtesy: "There I Fixed It"

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

There - I Fixed It!......Part One

2009-08-14T06:46:00.001-07:00

This Post is dedicated to the 'King' of fix it - Red Green.....enjoy:

Photos courtesy: "There I Fixed It"

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Odds and Ends....misc pics

2009-08-01T05:13:00.000-07:00

Sea Gulls - Coos Bay, OR

(Click on image to enlarge)

Railroad Bridge - North Bend-Coos Bay, OR

(Click on image to enlarge)

Blue - I like this one! :-}

(Click on image to enlarge)

Pilot Butte - Bend, OR

(Click on image to enlarge)

Lonely Bush

(Click on image to enlarge)

Little House on the Prairie - January

(Click on image to enlarge)

Little House on the Prairie - June

(Click on image to enlarge)

Not sure if I posted any of these before - hope you enjoy them :-}

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

NEW OFFICE POLICY - Effective Immediately....

2009-07-28T11:31:00.000-07:00

In an effort to survive in these tough economic times, our company is implementing some new policies to help cut expenses - we're certain that you will embrace and applaud these policy changes as a positive step toward that goal:

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
1) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3) Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Regards,
The Management

I'm sure glad I don't work anymore......
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Huge Dandelion Seed Pods!....3" across!.....

2009-07-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys! I'm not even sure if these ARE Dandelions, but I don't know what else to call them - maybe someone can help me - the seed pods are about 3 inches across, and are simply amazing close-up! I hope you enjoy these:

(Click on image to enlarge)

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

You might be an EXTREME Redneck if.......

2009-07-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

A Few More Pink Flowers From A Different Point Of View....

2009-07-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

(Click on image to enlarge)

Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

How About A Little Lavender?.......

2009-07-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

From my front yard - hope you enjoy them!

(Click on image to enlarge)

Anybody in the mood for some more redneck jokes??

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

A Few Flowers And Bugs.......

2009-06-29T05:37:00.001-07:00

From around my house - hope you enjoy them!.......

(Click on image to enlarge)

Have A Great Day!

Welcome For Coming

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Why We Need Translators!......

2009-06-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what the english speaking diplomats at the U.N. are hearing in their ear pieces when a foreign language speaker has the floor? This might give you some idea - and why negotiations are often SO difficult....enjoy:

Welcome For Coming...?

The key to existence is pushing…

Looks like malfunctioning translation software…

Have a careful suicide....

Still didn't understand?....May be an accident prone area...

Data Breaker…?

Bottled water in a can…?

Very descriptive...No confusions ...

Okay.....

For taking care the most important treasure….

Do you meet them…?

Thanks for the suggestion…

¿¿??

Lord of the Ring Sports Illustrated…..

And the Number One reason we need translators is.......

So we'll know how to clean up after we die... :-}

Welcome For Coming!
OregonArtGuy

A Few More Clematis and One???....

2009-06-22T06:04:00.001-07:00

(Click on image to enlarge)

Have a Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

A Few Clematis Pics FromMy Yard!...

2009-06-19T05:51:00.000-07:00

Finally some pics from MY yard - Pink Clematis - this is all one pic - different crops. Hope you enjoy it! More Tomorrow!

(Click on image to enlarge)

Have a Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

A Few Moving Pics.....

2009-06-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

Well, All of our stuff is in Redmond, Oregon now - somewhere..... Here's a few pics I took along the way - hope you enjoy them - they aren't the best ever - kinda hard when your going 65mph on a bumpy road :-}

(Click on image to enlarge)

Mount Hood

(Click on image to enlarge)

Columbia River Gorge

(Click on image to enlarge)

Big White Wind Thingies

(Click on image to enlarge)

Little House on the Prairie

(Click on image to enlarge)

REALLY BIG Twirly White Wind Thingie

(Click on image to enlarge)

Barge on Columbia River

(Click on image to enlarge)

Some Clouds Along the Way

(Click on image to enlarge)

Some Iris in our new front yard -

We're going to like it here! :-}

Have a Great Day!

Don't know how often I'll be able to post right now - we're nowhere close to being functional yet - I'll do my best....

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

We're Moving....

2009-06-01T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hi Everybody - We're going to be moving for the next week, so probably no new posts till next week,
Have a Great Week!
Seeya
OregonArtGuy

Home Depot Parking Lot Flowers.......

2009-05-28T06:26:00.000-07:00

Yep - Home Depot parking lot planter - shoot 'em where you find 'em :-}

(Click on image to enlarge)

Sorry, the pics aren't very good, it was real windy - hard to get a good shot....

Have a Great Day
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....101-120....

2009-05-27T05:35:00.000-07:00

REDNECK LIMO

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:.....

101.People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.

102.Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

103.You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

104.You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

105.You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

106.You've ever been too drunk to fish.

107.You've ever bought a used cap.

108.You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

109.You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

110.Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

111.You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

112.You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'

113.You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

114.Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
115.In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

116.Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

117.You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.

118.You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

119.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

120.Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle

Have A Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....51-70....

2009-05-26T05:36:00.000-07:00

REDNECK YACHT

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:....

51.There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

52.Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

53.Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

54.Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

55.Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."

56.The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

57.Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

58.You pick your teeth from a catalog.

59.You've ever financed a tattoo.

60.You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

61.Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

62.Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

63.You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

64.You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

65.The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

66.You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

67.The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

68.Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

69.You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

70.You go to the family reunion to pick up women. :-}

Have A Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonAryGuy

You Might Be A Redneck if....31-50....

2009-05-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

REDNECK HARLEY

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.......

31.You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

32.The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.

33.Your car has never had a full tank of gas.

34.Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

35.Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

36.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

37.You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

38.Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

39.Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

40.You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

42.Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

43.You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
44.You're an expert on worm beds.

45.The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

46.Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

47.Your family tree does not fork.

48.The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

49.You haul more than U-Haul.

50.Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

51.There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

Have a Great Week!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........21-30

2009-05-22T05:52:00.000-07:00

REDNECK POWERBALL WINNER

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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.....
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21.You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
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22.There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
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23.Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
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24.There is a wasp nest in your living room.
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25.The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
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26.You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
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27.There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
.
28.You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
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29.You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
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30.Fewer than half of your cars run.
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Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........11-20

2009-05-21T06:48:00.001-07:00

(Click image to enlarge)

REDNECK HORSESHOES

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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:
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11. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
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12. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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13. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
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14. Birds are attracted to your beard.
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15. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
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16. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
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17. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
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18. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
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19. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
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20. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
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That's all for today! More tomorrow :-}
Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

You Might Be a Redneck if.........1-10

2009-05-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

(Click on image to enlarge)

REDNECK SEAFOOD DINNER

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:
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1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
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2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.
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3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
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4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
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5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
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6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
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7. You own a homemade fur coat.
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8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
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9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
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10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath" :-}
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So many of these hit so close to home :-}
Hope you enjoy them - there's more.....
Have a Great Day
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Gas Station Flowers....

2009-05-18T06:44:00.001-07:00

You know you need to get out more when the gas station is where you go to take your flower pics! :-} Oh well - they were there - I had a camera...... hope you enjoy them:

(Click on image to enlarge)

Original Colors

(Click on image to enlarge)

(Click ion image to enlarge)

(Click on image to enlarge)

Have a Great Week!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Why Our Grandparents Were Happier.....

2009-05-13T06:35:00.000-07:00

Bayer’s Heroin

A bottle of Bayer's heroin. Between 1890 and 1910 heroin was sold as a non-addictive substitute for morphine. It was also used to treat children with strong cough.

Coca Wine

Metcalf Coca Wine was one of a huge variety of wines with cocaine on the market. Everybody used to say that it would make you happy and it would also work as a medicinal treatment.

Mariani wine

Mariani wine (1875) was the most famous Coca wine of it's time. Pope Leo XIII used to carry one bottle with him all the time. He awarded Angelo Mariani (the producer) with aVatican gold medal

Maltine

Produced by Maltine Manufacturing Company of New York . It was suggested that you should take a full glass with or after every meal. Children should take half a glass.

A paper weight:

A paper weight promoting C..F. Boehringer & Soehne ( Mannheim , Germany ). They were proud of being the biggest producers in the world of products containing Quinine and Cocaine.

Opium for Asthma:

No comments.

Cocaine tablets (1900)

All stage actors, singers teachers and preachers had to have them for a maximum performance. Great to "smooth" the voice.

Cocaine drops for toothache

Very popular for children in 1885. Not only did they relieve the pain, they made the children happy!

Opium for new-borns

I'm sure this would make them sleep well (not only the Opium, but 46% alcohol!!!!!)

Five Drops of opium for a 5 day old baby! No 3AM feeding for this mommy! Why this kind of thing didn't wipe out (pardon the phrasing) an entire generation - I have no idea! Pretty amazing stuff - hope you enjoyed it - your grandparents did! :-}

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Signs Of Menopause and Getting Older.....

2009-05-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
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1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
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2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
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3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
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OLD IS WHEN:
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1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
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2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have
to go along.
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3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
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4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
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5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee! :-}
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Have a Great Day!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

Games For When We Are Older....

2009-05-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

1. Sag, you're It.
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2. Hide and go pee.
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3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
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4. Kick the bucket
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5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
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6. Musical recliners.
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7. Simon says something incoherent.
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8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy :-}

Have a Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Things You Need To Know....

2009-05-08T06:31:00.001-07:00

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die
of natural causes.
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Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to?
.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
.
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta its rear end.'
.
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
.
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going
to look up there anyway?
.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
.
Have a Great Weekend!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy

DandyLions Re-Revisited.....Just 2 More Pics.... I Promise...

2009-05-07T05:59:00.001-07:00

(Click on image to enlarge)
(Click on image to enlarge)

I just had a couple more I thought were worth a look - I hope you think so too!
Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

DandyLions Re-Revisited.....

2009-05-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

.
You KNOW I had to do this!!
.

(Click on image to enlarge)

(Click on image to emlarge)

(Click on image to enlarge)

Have a Great Day!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

DandyLions Revisited.....and a Surprise!

2009-05-05T06:04:00.000-07:00

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You may remember a post a week or so ago that showed the following dandelions:

(Click on image to enlarge)
(Click on image to enlarge)

Well, these blooms have now turned into what you see below, so I thought I'd get a couple shots to share. I generally like shooting close-ups, so that's what I did - PLEASE click on the image to view the larger one - I'm quite certain that you've never seen a dandelion from this perspective before! - at least I hadn't:

(Click on image to enlarge)

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As I was shooting, I got an unexpected surprise - a baby grasshopper that was no longer than 1/4" long landed on the blossom - I had just enough time to focus and shoot one shot - but I got him!! Take a look - PLEASE enlarge the photos, and keep in mind that this guy is REALLY LITTLE - like the size of a pencil eraser head - I could barely see him:

(Click on image to enlarge)

I'm sure glad that I never get tired of taking photos - I'm sure that you won't be as excited about these as I am - but you're not supposed to be - I'm the one who took them! Hope you enjoy them....

Have a Great Day

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Oh, and BTW, yesterday's blossoms are from a REDBUD Tree...

Flowering Tree Blossoms....

2009-05-04T05:17:00.000-07:00

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I don't know what kind of tree this is - they are all over town - but the blossoms are really beautiful. But between the wind and the bees (who seemed to like me as much as the flowers), it was difficult to get any decent shots. Anyway, I hope you enjoy these:
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(Click on image to enlarge)

(Click on image to enlarge)

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Have a Great Monday!

Seeya,

OregonArtGuy

Why Men Should NEVER Shop For Their Wives.....

2009-05-01T05:52:00.000-07:00

A young man from Wisconsin moved to Florida and applied for a job at a huge everything-under-one-roof department store.
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During the brief interview the store manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?" The young man replied, "Yeah, I was a salesman back in Wisconsin. I worked at a car dealership, a general department store and I also sold real estate."
.
The manager took a liking to the young man and gave him a job saying, "You can start tomorrow. Be here by 9:00 in the morning and ask to speak with Tom Barnes. He is the assistant store manager and he will show you what you need to do. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." With that they shook hands and parted ways.
.
After the store closed and the doors were locked up , the boss went to see how the young man's first day had gone. After looking all over the store, the manager finally found the young man sitting on a box in the stockroom, hunched over and looking exhausted.
.
"How was your first day, son?" he asked.
.
"It was difficult learning about all the departments and products you sell here sir," The young man replied.
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Then the manager asked, "How many sales did you make today, son?"
.
The young man replied, "Only one."
.
The manager then asked, "Well, how many customers did you talk to?"
.
Once again, he replied, "Only one."
.
The manager responded, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day! How much was the sale for?"
.
"$101,237.65," he replied.
.
"$101,237.65!" exclaimed the manager. "What the heck did you sell?"
.
The young man responded, "First, I sold the man a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I so ld him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod, reel and a whole tackle box full of lures and stuff. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said he was going down the coast. I explained to him that if he was going to the coast, he was going to need a boat. We went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine fishing boat. After that, he said he didn't think his Honda Civic could pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 Expedition."
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The store manager, with a look of astonishment on his face proclaimed, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
.
"No sir!" The young man said. "He came in to buy tampons for his wife. While I was showing him where the tampons were, I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot. You should go fishing."
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The moral of the story.....Well - you get the idea.... :-}
Have a Great Weekend!
Seeya,
OregonArtGuy